Feeling Closed In

Bless the Lord, Oh my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy. Psalm 103:2-4 ESV

My days are good. I enjoy saving money on gas and tolls. It has been nice to worship with people online who don't come to our church. I'm for keeping people well, but I have had about enough.

First of all this year hasn't started out so great. Back in January a couple things happened to make my stress level to go way up. After a lot of prayer, things calmed back down and I felt normal again. God and me had some serious talks, mostly Him listening to me saying I've had a enough.

Most of us know how March and April have gone, a lot of changes out of our control. First, no public gatherings and it quickly went from there with some changes happening just a few hours apart. Then we get used to the new changes and government officials meet and then decide to change things even more. There is only so much we can take!

I understand trying to keep people from getting sick, but from what I understand more people recover from this Covid 19 virus than die from it. Sure it's sad when people die and I wouldn't want to be the one who accidentally gave an illness to someone, but is all of this even working? Is Covid 19 worse than the flu outbreak or a common cold? I know there are respiratory issues that can get really bad, but even that doesn't happen to each person who gets it.

The thing that has got to me these last couple of weeks is the face-mask. First, they tell us a face-mask is only useful if you're sick or if you are helping someone is sick. So will it do me any good in a grocery store? How do I overcome the closing in feeling I get when I put a mask on? I feel like I can't breath and start panicking. A face-mask just doesn't work for me.

Then on Monday within two minutes I get an emergency message about a new curfew, pretty sure that wasn't an emergency. Then I get a text message telling me the same thing. Then I get a phone call. Do they think I'm an idiot? I mean seriously!

I miss my family. Easter we usually have breakfast and dinner together, but this year we are separate. Sure we could reach out and call each other, but we weren't together.

I miss my day care kids, sure I have some of them and that keeps my days more normal. But not all of them are here and it just isn't quite the same. I've been teaching preschool to those not here with videos and sending them their papers, and their parents have sent me pictures of them which is wonderful.  But I miss them.

I miss my church kids. I didn't get to share the Easter message with the children who would have come to the egg hunt. Sure I made a YouTube video and shared that, but it wasn't the same as having a treasure hunt for Jesus.

I miss our youth. We have tried to reach out to them with Zoom worship, but not all of them are showing up. I feel so bad for our seniors in our youth group. This is not the way to end your senior year. They should be celebrating their final nine weeks, not learning how to do everything online and social distancing. I miss seeing their goofiness and the unique things each one brings to our church.

I miss my church family. We have reached out through e-mails, live worship, mail, and phone calls. Still it's not the same as seeing their happy faces, wondering what hat our hat lady will wear today, or hugging them.

Sure life will one day go back to normal, but it won't be the same. Some will be even more worried about germs and viruses. Some will decide not to leave their homes. Some will be overly excited to be freed from this mess!

I am grateful that I trust in God who heals our diseases and is with us even when we feel closed in. I will continue to obey the "daily new rule" even if I don't like it, because we are to obey the governing authorities.  My prayer and hope is that truly it is for our own good and not some way for people to make a name for themselves. I pray that before decisions are made that God is sought to see if this is really His plan. I will trust in God's promise that He will work things together for good because somehow, some way this has got to be for our good.

Mostly I will rejoice when the doors are open once again and I can be others!

Just Want to Get a Hug

And let us considered how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the day drawing near. Hebrews 10;24-25 ESV

I am quite sure I am not liking this social isolation. I guess it's for our own good and the good of others, but I dare say I am quite tired of it.

A few weeks ago when we could still meet at church, it hurt so much not to hug those I usually hug. It was strange to tap elbows, we are made to hug. Some of us aren't huggers, but some of us are. It was so hard not to hug and show that we're in this together.

When I was sitting in a waiting room, this woman in a wheelchair dropped her pen. All I wanted to do was get up, pick up the pen, and hand it back to her. Instead, I sat there wondering if I should help. I thought she might freak out if I got up and got in her six foot bubble to pick up the pen. Then I thought what if she has the virus then if I pick up the pen then I would get the virus.

The other day when picking up groceries, a man was asking me about how many eggs he could get. He was getting in my six foot bubble and I tried not to let it bother me, but there I was thinking, "he shouldn't be this close to me."

Is this what the world is coming too? Do we start looking at everyone as if they have the virus? Are we supposed act like at each person can infect me?

We were created to be with each other. God created Eve for Adam because God saw it wasn't good for man to be alone.

As Easter approaches this isolation from others is growing worse. Not only is Easter next week, but our son has a birthday. How are we supposed to celebrate, virtually? It's just not the same.

This also has me thinking what would Jesus do. Would he look at each person as a virus? Would he venture out with a face mask? Would he elbow bumped people or keep a six foot bubble around himself?

First thing he'd do is pray and ask God what He should do because Jesus would follow God's will. Then I think if he was out he would see people as God sees them-children of God, fearfully and wonderfully made. He wouldn't be afraid of a virus. He would pick up the lady's pen and pray for her. He would tell the man how many eggs and maybe ask him how many does he need. He'd comfort us and love each one of us as He loves himself.

Sure we need to honor our governing authorities, but we need to see each other as wonderful children of God. Not as a disease. Not as someone I could get the disease from. Don't stop loving your neighbor, if you feel God calling you to help then help. Don't sit in your home all alone, but reach out to others through phone calls, Facetime, or text.

Stop listening to the hype instead listen to your heart and where God leads you. Reach out in safe ways and pray for God's guidance. Find something to be joyful about. Don't give up, this to shall pass and this will all be a memory. But most of all trust in God, he has good plans.

Life in Paradise

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard  your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

What I wouldn't give to be sitting on my Grandparents porch in the mountains with trees all around, you could hear the falls and birds. It was peaceful! Or to be sitting in a lounge chair on an island listening to the waves come in and out. Simply a life in paradise.

Unfortunately, right now I am sitting in my living room trying to live life as normal as possible. I have lived through lots of hurricanes and other illnesses but none of them have ever been to the extinct of this Corona-virus 19. Every time I turn around there is another recommendation given out and more closures. Life is far from paradise!

I don't sit around watching every news update or continuously check my Instagram or Facebook accounts, but that hasn't stopped me from hearing about it. I mean I do watch the news for the daily weather update and usually news highlights. I still take a peek at Facebook, just not every second of the day.

One of the hardest things for me at this time, is no public worship and no small groups. Worshiping and learning about God is the highlights of my week.  Sure we are worshiping virtually and tonight we're going to try virtual Bible study, but somehow it just won't be the same. There is nothing quite like worshiping as a body of Christ and a hug from a friend.

Some of us are worried that someone we love will end up sick or we'll end up sick none of us want that. But we live in this world where there is sickness, diseases have been around for a long time. The human spirit can endure in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear? Proverbs 18:14  Deep down we all know someone we love will die or one day we will die because this world is just a temporary place. Of course we want to be in this world as long as we can, but when we know where we are going we can have a peace that when our time does come we will see Jesus face-to-face. Because I have this assurance that Jesus is my Savior I am not afraid when my time comes. Hopefully, that isn't for a long time yet.

What do we do when this craziness gets overwhelming and we just need to find our peace? I pray and let me tell you a lot of praying has been going on. Breath prayers are a big comfort, a simple cry out to God doesn't have to follow a ritual prayer. One can simply say a sentence prayer, "God please help me."

Of course things have crossed my mind, do we still go out to eat? What about getting groceries? Saturday we had to decide on how to celebrate worship on Sunday, that was a hard decision but we trust we made the right one. Not an easy thing to do even when we trust in God.

I also read my Bible, there is a lot of comfort in reading God's words. He gives us all kinds of assurances in His word.

Turning off my media and crank up praise songs is a big comfort. There is nothing like singing praise songs to the one who created it all.

Then I reach out through text or phone calls to my faithful prayer warrior friends. I know I can simply share where I am struggling and they will also be praying for me and with me.

Then I am reminded that when God's people pray wonderful things happen-so where are you prayer warriors? Are we all ready to tell this disease to go away in Jesus name? Or like in "War Room" tell Satan he can't take our joy, our family, our paradise. I say when we all pray together we can all find our paradise and soon be back to normal.

To Wave or Not to Wave?

Let brotherly love continue. Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. Hebrews 13:1-2

On my way to do school pick up I pass a couple crossing guards as I pass I wave at each of them. One of them waves enthusiastically back and the other does everything she can to not look towards me. She seems almost afraid to wave.

The art of waving to others seems to be fading. There used to be a time when waving and smiling at others was common. A train would go by and we'd wave at the conductor or at the amusement park when the tram or train would go by we'd wave. Someone standing on the corner a simple wave. What has happened to this art?

Are we to busy to notice others? Are we scared to make a connection? Would a smile and wave hurt that much?

Showing hospitality to others, seems like a simple thing. All it takes to begin is a wave and a smile. Sure driving in my van seems like a safe place to wave from, it doesn't involve talking just a wave as I go by. Would I have the courage to wave and smile as I walked by? Or would I do everything I could to avoid making a connection?

Sometimes my shy side gets the better of me I turn into the one who does everything I can to avoid looking at others. Sometimes it's easier to not connect rather than showing that brotherly love. My prayer is that I am able to open up and show God's love to everyone I meet.

No More Excuses

What then shall we say, brothers and sisters? When you come together, each of you has a hymn, or a word of instruction, a revelation...1 Corinthians 14:26

Believe it or not there was a time in my life when I didn't spend so much time at church. I would chose to sleep in on a Sunday morning instead of getting up to go to worship. My schedule was pretty crazy.

My husband and I each worked full time plus we delivered newspapers in the middle of the night seven days a week so that we could help make ends meet. So on Sundays we would get all the extra sleep we could. It was a tough schedule and we thought it would be alright not to worship.

There are always excuses we can come up with to not do something:

It's my only day off
I don't have money to give
It's my only day to sleep in
We have company
I need to clean my house
We have a sporting competition

You get the idea.

What if Jesus made excuses?
I'm not going out in the crowds today, it's my only day off.
Forget about going to the temple, I used my last denari on groceries.
No miracles today, just need to sleep in.
My company won't understand that I need to teach on the mount today, so I'm just going to stay home with them.
I can't possibly raise Lazarus today, I need to clean my tent.
No being sacrificed today, I need to be there for the team.
Good thing, the king of kings didn't make excuses.

The time we missed away from worshiping with other believers made our life difficult. This was the time of our lives the money got so bad that we almost lost our house. I barely prayed, I would say "God is Great" and "Now I lay me" but hardly a conversation with God.  Of course my choice in things I did were not the greatest. Good thing I fell on my knees and got back to where I belong with fellow brothers and sisters praising and learning about God! No more excuses.

Expect the Unexpected

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

It was a good plan, a plan to eliminate the rest of our debt. After that I would save up to buy a new vehicle.  Unfortunately, about a month ago my van began to act up. Of course, I believed that my mechanics, my husband and sons, would be able to figure out how to fix it.

They worked on it and replaced this and that, but the problem was deeper it was an internal problem in the engine. Then came the hard decision about what to do. Do we invest thousands of dollars into fixing this van or was it time to replace it?

The praying began, I prayed for my usual sign to know God's plan for us. Before the week was up God had confirmed that it was time to replace the van. So the searching began. I looked for used vans in our area and of course the right price range for us. Little did I know what God had in store for us.

There were not a lot of used vans for the type of van I needed, the only problem was the closest used vans were 120 miles away. If God wanted us to go that far we would because we trusted him and we would go where He sent us.  After narrowing it down to two different makes of van, I was lead to see how they compared to each other. Of course one did significantly better than the other.

The van I felt lead to was even harder to find as a used van, so the choice was now do we buy this type of van new? More praying and hoping that this was what God had planned for us even though it meant more money. Would we even get approved for a loan? What would the payments be?

The plan to go to the bank wasn't even going to happen until this week, but God even changed that to having me go last Friday. Approval came and then we went to look at it Sunday and came home with more than expected. God orchestrated out the details and gave us so much more then we even expected. Sure now I have a payment to make, but I know God will provide. He has good plans for us even when we weren't expecting it.

Don't Lose Sight

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. Hebrews 12:1-2

Busyness tends to consume me especially in the month of December. There are events at church, times with family, and of course all those presents to buy. Lately, my Wednesdays have been very busy. The day can easily get away from me and before I know it, I had no time for my devotions and prayer time.

Now that January and a new year is here, my busyness has slowed down to just my regular schedule. I tried to make a commitment to get back to blogging and somehow seventeen days has gone by. I really wanted to get back to writing a devotion once a week. When I can manage to work it into my schedule it helps me to keep my eyes on Jesus.

Sure I have my daily devotion and prayer time, but there is just something about being able to write and share what I am going through. There are times though when I want to take a nap or watch one of the series on Netflix instead of writing. I guess in those times I maybe getting entangled.

I let things get in the way of what I really want to be doing which is getting back to not losing sight of what's important to me. It is important that I not let the busyness take away my focus on the one who makes my faith stronger.