Feeling Closed In

Bless the Lord, Oh my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy. Psalm 103:2-4 ESV

My days are good. I enjoy saving money on gas and tolls. It has been nice to worship with people online who don't come to our church. I'm for keeping people well, but I have had about enough.

First of all this year hasn't started out so great. Back in January a couple things happened to make my stress level to go way up. After a lot of prayer, things calmed back down and I felt normal again. God and me had some serious talks, mostly Him listening to me saying I've had a enough.

Most of us know how March and April have gone, a lot of changes out of our control. First, no public gatherings and it quickly went from there with some changes happening just a few hours apart. Then we get used to the new changes and government officials meet and then decide to change things even more. There is only so much we can take!

I understand trying to keep people from getting sick, but from what I understand more people recover from this Covid 19 virus than die from it. Sure it's sad when people die and I wouldn't want to be the one who accidentally gave an illness to someone, but is all of this even working? Is Covid 19 worse than the flu outbreak or a common cold? I know there are respiratory issues that can get really bad, but even that doesn't happen to each person who gets it.

The thing that has got to me these last couple of weeks is the face-mask. First, they tell us a face-mask is only useful if you're sick or if you are helping someone is sick. So will it do me any good in a grocery store? How do I overcome the closing in feeling I get when I put a mask on? I feel like I can't breath and start panicking. A face-mask just doesn't work for me.

Then on Monday within two minutes I get an emergency message about a new curfew, pretty sure that wasn't an emergency. Then I get a text message telling me the same thing. Then I get a phone call. Do they think I'm an idiot? I mean seriously!

I miss my family. Easter we usually have breakfast and dinner together, but this year we are separate. Sure we could reach out and call each other, but we weren't together.

I miss my day care kids, sure I have some of them and that keeps my days more normal. But not all of them are here and it just isn't quite the same. I've been teaching preschool to those not here with videos and sending them their papers, and their parents have sent me pictures of them which is wonderful.  But I miss them.

I miss my church kids. I didn't get to share the Easter message with the children who would have come to the egg hunt. Sure I made a YouTube video and shared that, but it wasn't the same as having a treasure hunt for Jesus.

I miss our youth. We have tried to reach out to them with Zoom worship, but not all of them are showing up. I feel so bad for our seniors in our youth group. This is not the way to end your senior year. They should be celebrating their final nine weeks, not learning how to do everything online and social distancing. I miss seeing their goofiness and the unique things each one brings to our church.

I miss my church family. We have reached out through e-mails, live worship, mail, and phone calls. Still it's not the same as seeing their happy faces, wondering what hat our hat lady will wear today, or hugging them.

Sure life will one day go back to normal, but it won't be the same. Some will be even more worried about germs and viruses. Some will decide not to leave their homes. Some will be overly excited to be freed from this mess!

I am grateful that I trust in God who heals our diseases and is with us even when we feel closed in. I will continue to obey the "daily new rule" even if I don't like it, because we are to obey the governing authorities.  My prayer and hope is that truly it is for our own good and not some way for people to make a name for themselves. I pray that before decisions are made that God is sought to see if this is really His plan. I will trust in God's promise that He will work things together for good because somehow, some way this has got to be for our good.

Mostly I will rejoice when the doors are open once again and I can be others!