Why do I do it? Why do I watch movies where I know I am going to cry?
Last Saturday, we watched "I Am Not Ashamed." This movie was about the life of Rachel the teenager who was not ashamed to say she believed in Jesus and ended up losing her life. Of course all during the movie we knew how it was going to end, but that didn't stop us from watching it. Maybe I watched because I knew I needed a good cry.
There have been several times in my life when I've felt sorrow. Most of those times were because someone died. I don't remember if I really understood death when my paternal grandma died when I was seven. I can remember snip-its of the funeral and such (I had the chicken pox), but I don't really remember feeling sorrow. I feel it now when something comes up about her and I wish I had more time to really get to know her.
Soon after my husband and I were married we found out we were expecting. We were excited and worried since the insurance didn't cover my pregnancy and we wanted a house before we had a baby. Still we were very joyful. That fateful day came though when at nine weeks of pregnancy I lost the baby. Sorrow filled our hearts wondering if we would ever have another chance to be parents. Luckily for us, we did and now have three grown children.
This past summer I experienced sorrow when my maternal grandma died. I thought it would be easier since we knew she was heaven bound, but it wasn't. She lived a nice long life, but saying good-bye was hard. There have been times through out the year when sorrow hits me once again and I mourn her loss all over. Sometimes it seems over silly things. I had to adjust my addresses for my Christmas card list and just deleting her name brought me to tears.
The good news is through all this sorrow there comes joy. There's a song that says, "The sorrow may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning." There are times when I'm sad and there are times when I watch movies to be sad, but after all the sadness always comes the joy. My joy is found in the arms of Jesus. He brings comfort and ability to not be in sorrow.
He can bring the joy to each of us, we just need to let him help us.
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